ALTERNATE POWER SOURCE DISCOVERED!
By Gary - Eureka! I have discovered a source of incredible power to repair the UFO! There's, er, just one minor discrepancy. We'll have to travel in time to get it.
Continued: GADZOOKS - Since Herbert stole the UFO's power source, I've been attempting to create a new one. In my testing, I made a high-powered hot sauce. Unfortunately, it's not quite strong enough to jump-start a UFO. Rookie says it's great on pizza though! I then came to a startling conclusion. It seems the only power source capable of running the UFO would have existed millions of years ago!
I'm hypothesized that ancient meteorites crashing into our planet created a thing called Power Fragments. I'm 89.41% certain that they'll be compatible with the UFO's energy intake valve! I'll get the Time Trekker 3000 ready to go! Just remember to hang on to your spectacles. Last time I got mine somewhere between the Jurassic age and the 17th century!
PUFFLES LOVE THE BACKYARD
By PH - Has your igloo been feeling a wee bit cramped? No worries! Puffles love roaming the Backyard. The wide open space is so relaxing for them. Best part is, you can have all of your adorable critters out there! They'll have everything they need so they won't be hungry or bored. You'll know they're happy when they hop alongside smiling. And if you got a rainbow puffle, they'll fart sparkles in appreciation.
Ya got any other puffle questions? Be sure to write into the paper if ya do!
UPCOMING EVENTS
Jan. 21: Dino Puffles Available - Puffles from the past!
Feb. 4: Scheduled UFO Launch - Prep for launch, on my command.
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